He puts me on these meds that take the edge off but I was still having panic attacks and ripping up my bedroom carpet looking for cracks in the foundation for the start of sinkholes, which we found one BTW. HA! (A crack not a sinkhole lol) The fiancé was not happy. We need hardwoods in there anyhow was my reasoning. lol
I know it’s still not right so I go back to my Dr. and we talk about it. Now please, don’t misunderstand me. I am not in any sort of denial here. I KNOW these aren’t rational fears…so I need to fix this. Not the carpet, my brain. lol So He adds a new medication. It’s an anti-depressant. I said, but I’m not depressed doc. He explained it’s for dealing with anxiety as well.
Great news! Now we are on week two and I could give a shit less about sink holes or a truck running a red light and taking out me and my family…well of course I give a shit but I mean it isn’t ALWAYS on my mind anymore. Bad news…I can’t write for shit. Seriously. When this anxiety medication took away my thought process for irrationalities did it suppress my creativity as well? Was my over zealous thoughts a major factor in my writing? Is it blocking that part of my brain that makes shit up and gives me the ability to over embellish and write these stories? Because I feel like everything is in black and white now…I am so so tired often and I cant think of anything outside the box. I mean…I’ll get something down and look at it like WTF?
So my question is, do I have to pick between my sanity and my creativity? Or is this just writers block?
Has anyone else experienced this?